No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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