he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
