you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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