I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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