Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
