Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
