One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
