Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
