Cold hands, warm shart.
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
