remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
