will power is for people who don't want to get laid
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
