You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
