Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
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