Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
my vag is so smooth its legendary
it hurts more in the daytime
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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