I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
The air taste purple.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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