Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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