Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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