im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
