She went from zero to smokin in five shots
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
