literally had 100 drinks last night.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
