The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
