Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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