I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
