oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
