I heard we made out
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
