look no pants
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
