my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
