based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
