So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
