I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
