sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
