the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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