And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Sext me about skeletons
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
