Walk of Shame. In a state park.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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