Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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