i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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