You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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