I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
