i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
