I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
