how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
