You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
