Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
