you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
