called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
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I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
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Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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