Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
