Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
