I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
