happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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