His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Randomize
