i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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