he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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