normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
