if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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