i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
