if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
this must be what syphilis tastes like
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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