You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
