Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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