the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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