Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
