we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
