Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
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