You don't have asthma, your pregnant
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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