They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
