well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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