This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
