He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
