the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
